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I’ve often struggled with how I express my opinion about poor drivers. This really came home to me when my eldest son was about six years old. We were out and about somewhere and a driver with less-than-stellar abilities suddenly performed a maneuver of epic stupidity. Before I could edify my wife and son with my opinion of this person’s vehicular handling skills, a small voice piped up from the back seat: “That guy’s a jerk, isn’t he Dad?”
Padre (Major) Howard Rittenhouse – File Photo
I was so proud.
My wife, however, was … well, let’s just say she was less than impressed with the lesson I’d taught my son (I still think this was one of the most valuable life lessons I’ve ever imparted. My sons all remember the Rittenhouse credo: People are stupid. And every driver on the road is a moron).
Nonetheless, there’s a time and a place. And the difference between honesty and blunt criticism is tact, between being forthright and self-righteous, love. There’s a reason the Bible famously advises us to be slow to speak. Most of us shoot off our mouths before we’ve loaded our brains, anyway. We speak before we’ve really considered how what we’re about to say so glibly, or under the influence of anger, jealousy, wounded pride (or certain, shall we say, beverages?), will be heard. Once spoken, words take on a life of their own. They continue to penetrate, deeper than .50 slug, wounding and wounding and wounding.
The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” is absolute rot! I’d bet a year’s supply of Tim Horton’s that almost every one of us can recall a particularly nasty remark, especially hurtful comment, or rather-too-blunt observation which someone made about us.
My wife and I have a friend who was married to the biggest jerk I’ve ever known (I could be more blunt, but in the spirit of what I’m writing, I will forebear.) At my sister’s wedding he made a comment about his wife, our friend. Now, this was 30 years ago and I still remember the remark, so it was fairly egregious (nice word, eh? Use it twelve times today and you’ll never forget it). Under the influence, we later learned, of various substances, he said, in the full hearing of a whole table of our friends, “Doesn’t ____ look good tonight? Usually, she looks like a pig farmer’s daughter.” More than one of us wanted to plough him.
It’s so easy, isn’t it? Off-the-cuff remarks, snide asides, ill-thought-out comments: we’ve all had a too hasty tongue, and later regretted it (hopefully).
Words said in haste, or anger, without consideration are often regretted. I’ve said a few things I wish I could erase as easily as this line is on a computer. But like I said, once said, words can take on a life of their own, like viruses of the mind and soul, poisoning us, and our relationships at home and at work.
Coincidentally, the Bible not only advises us to be slow to speak, but quick to listen. Whether or not you’re ‘religious,’ I think that’s good advice: slow to speak (you may regret it!), and quick to listen (which you’ll never regret).
And given how quick my son was to listen to my driver’s-seat-outbursts, slow speaking is advice I should probably take myself.
